CannonBall
by zippyzip
Summary: Songfic - ONESHOT. After years they finally meet again. There painful past is recounted as they think of old choices, old love and a burning regret for what has been and what could have been. Sometimes the past is better left forgotten when its too late.


_There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
it's still a little hard to say what's going on_

**Disclaimer: I don't anything. The Characters… the lyrics… none**

**The song is "Cannonball" by Damien Rice. No copyright intended. Hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing**

**Cannonball**

**_Her_**

Walking into the room had to be one of the most nerve racking things she had ever done, but at least the host hadn't bee there to greet her, the plus side of being fashionably late. Needing some kind of boost she immediately took a glass off the first waiter that offered her one and took a sip. With that small confidence booster in hand she scanned the room, looking for any familiar face...except his.

But that didn't seem to work.

Somehow their eyes locked and the room went silent. His clear grey eyes were emotionless, just like she always remembered his fathers being. It was rather unnerving and she once again felt the pain mixed with guilt. It had dimmed over time but it was still there. But the hollowness of his gaze didn't stop her remembering the love that had once burned for her in those eyes. She didn't even know why she had come tonight. Harry had talked her into in to it. As she watched him hover in the room she considered going over to talk to him, get the awkwardness over with and then she could make her excuses and go. She braced herself then took a sip for courage but as she was just preparing herself that…woman walked over to him and he immediately removed his gaze and instead shone it upon her and then swiftly and proudly planted a quick kiss on the woman's lips, smiling at her adoringly. Completely forgotten she watched as he was happily led away.

_She could still see his sad smile; feel his gentle caress and the softness of his lips on her forehead when he left. Before the cold, hollow feeling that came back whenever he wasn't around took over. It was followed by the accompanying guilt. This was wrong, but she was caught now and she couldn't let the peace go. She just needed to get it out of her system, or so she told herself._

Screw it, she drained her glass. If he wanted to talk to her then he could come and find her when he was done playing happy families. Until then she was going to drink. It wasn't like Harry could blame her for being unwilling to start a conversation with the guy. He would be disappointed but she had fulfilled her promise…well part of it…and she didn't plan on doing any more then that. But there was no harm drinking just in case. She had to be prepared to do something stupid. Now where had that guy with the champagne gone…?

_**There's still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
there's still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
it's still a little hard to say what's going on**_

**_Him_**

After all this time, she had to show up today? When he had extended the invitation out of politeness he hadn't expected Harry to actually talk her in to it. No matter about his previous thoughts about the guy…Harry was some kind of genius. Since the guests had started to arrive he had watched for her intently, just like he always did but he never expected to actually see her, especially not so late. As a result, he had accidently met her gaze and as soon as he had locked onto those beautiful, intelligent eyes his knees had gone weak and a familiar but long dormant pain flooded into his chest. He'd had to mask it immediately at the risk of someone, especially her noticing his weakness. She looked stunning tonight. Her hair twisted back loosely, with a slight dusting of makeup on to hide the paleness of her face. It was hard to see very clearly but she looked exhausted. It frustrated him seeing her look so defeated…He was used to her skin glowing and her cheeks flush with liveliness and any change from that, no matter how long the time gap would disturb him. Just like it would with of his other friends, or so he told himself. The red floor length dress hugged her figure and he could see out of the corner of his eye some appreciative glances towards her way and a twinge of jealousy came and went.

_Her smile, her eyes and seeing them both lighting up when he walked in the room made all the arguments and difficulties vanish. He was fed up pretending he didn't feel exactly the same way. Like every time that he walked away from her he wasn't instantly thinking of the next excuse...the next kiss…_

He tore his eyes away to let them fall immediately on the dark haired beauty that was heading towards him. There was nothing casual or 'loose' about her appearance. Her hair perfectly tied up in an elegant knot, a tight revealing dress on a figure that women envied and men desired. He couldn't help feeling proud. It was a good match. He quickly kissed her, smiling and trying to pretend that the appearance of that woman hadn't shaken him. When he glanced back he found that she had drained her glass and was searching for another, her gestures slightly more clumsy. When she succeeded she turned back and those eyes burned into him again. He ignored them and looked away. Nodding and smiling at the request to come and greet some more of their guests.

_**There's still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness  
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed  
You step a little closer each day  
and I can't say what's going on**_

**_Her_**

Off he went with his whore. Even as she thought it she knew she was being overly harsh. It wasn't fair to judge a person on their outfit. No matter how slutty the outfit was. She drained another glass. Now she had to go and find something else to do. Where had Harry disappeared off to…? There he was, chatting to someone from work perhaps. She sighed and considered for a few minutes circulating, it was a good opportunity. As if reading her mind a witch decided to introduce herself, but as soon as the name hit her ears she forgot it, as did everything else the witch said, but she nodded and smiled in response to everything the woman said anyway. Eventually the witch seemed to realise she wasn't really interested so politely excused herself.

Deciding she wasn't in the mood for anymore awkward encounters she headed quickly towards a promising pair of double doors and slipped through before any one noticed, or so she thought. She found herself at the end of a dark but familiar hallway and started to follow her feet through a few doors. She ended up stepping out onto her old favourite balcony. The cool wind was a refreshing change to the almost stifling heat of the main room. She placed her glass on the stone wall and placed her elbows next to it. Resting her chin in her hands and closing her eyes.

_The landscape was beautiful tonight. The stars shone brightly and the breeze was soothing. She found her thoughts drifting along with the wind. This place always brought her peace. Gave her time to view her life and consider important decisions. One of which was hanging over her at the moment… She was started out of her thoughts by a pair of strong arms that wrapped themselves around her. She sighed in pleasure and leant into the embrace. She had missed this while he was gone. She might not have been able to see his face but she could tell he was smiling in satisfaction. "I knew you missed me" He murmured softly in her ear. She couldn't be bothered to protest. He could have this one. She was just content to stay here in his arms and watch the night sky go on and fade into daylight. That obviously wasn't his idea as after a few moments she found herself turned towards him, watching as the starlight danced upon his handsome features. Her hand had reached up on its own accord to trace the lines that they were both too young to have but the war had given them anyway. Her eyes following the gentle touch of her fingers, until finally their eyes met. His appeared to be filled with so much emotion it was breathtaking to her. And before he could wipe the emotion clean of his face she pulled him towards her and kissed his soft lips gently. She was overjoyed when he returned the kiss with such tenderness; the raw emotion filled her again. Damn him. She couldn't help wishing that that girl's holiday never ended. She had gotten used to being at the house now, and it was only going to make it harder. _

It was about then that she realized she had fallen hard, and there was no doubting it. The secret meetings had started of as a quick fling as payback… but she had found that when she was with him, the pain just went away, at least for a little while. And that's what had kept her coming back. She hadn't even noticed when the pain of leaving him developed into something based on him rather than her discontent with her own life. This was the memory that stood out whenever she thought about them. But it was followed by more. That first night…their first sober kiss… And she realized with a small sadistic chuckle, that she needed another drink. Unwilling to go in search of one she quickly searched around for anyone, before lifting her dress up to remove her wand from its hiding place in her stocking. With a quick flick her glass was full again and satisfied her wand was placed back and her leg covered.

"Still keeping your wand there I see" a beautiful voice drifted towards her. Startling her and nearly making her lose her drink.

_**Stones taught me to fly  
Love, it taught me to lie  
Life, it taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannonball**_

**___Him_**

Why had he followed her? He'd been perfectly content greeting his guests – well no he hadn't, it was incredibly boring work and most of them weren't people he knew anyway. He just remembered noticing her missing and decided, out of mere curiosity of course, to go and see what she was doing away from the party. He had to make sure that everyone was having a good time…didn't he? But now he saw her standing there, her body basked in the starlight, he regretted it. The words had slipped out his mouth before he could stop them and now he was stuck. He tried to read her emotions, tried to see what he should do next, but there was nothing. Trying to read her was like trying to read a stone wall. One thing he could see however was the exhaustion; she looked so fragile and he cursed as he took a small step forward to take her in his arms. Before remembering that he couldn't do it anymore, she wasn't his – she had never been his in the first place.

He covered his misstep by walking forward. He ended up rested on the balcony. Deliberately placing himself far enough away from her that it would be impossible for him to touch her or smell her addictive scent. But a slight breeze soon changed that. It was only faint but he could tell what perfume she was wearing right down to the brand. It wasn't that difficult.

"_Here, I got this for you" She smiled as she pulled away from his hug and accepted the gift. _

"_Thank you" it took her two seconds to excitedly unwrap it and spray herself with it. The heavenly smell surrounded him immediately and he sighed. _

"_I knew it would suit you" she smiled and rolled her eyes, shoving him playfully away._

"_So what time do you have to leave?" she asked cautiously. Trying to act like she didn't really care, he knew better though. _

"_That's actually why I arranged to see you" he smiled and paused for dramatic effect._

"_She's gone away for the next two weeks" he didn't mention why though._

_The smile that lit up on her face gave him an inkling of how she really felt, made him feel like everything was worth it. Rather that her attempted nonchalant reply as she arranged the flowers he had brought her as well. _

"_Oh, cool" before she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He raised his eyebrow and she giggled, flinging herself forward into his arms. Seeing her glowing with happiness that day had made him realise how much she now meant to him. He didn't know how he would cope without her to give some meaning to his life. _

He couldn't believe she still wore it. They each stood in silence, both unwilling to leave and both unwilling to break the ice. Him because she hadn't responded the first time to his utter embarrassment, he wasn't sure about what was going in her head though. He turned to look at her subtly; she was staring out into the distance and fiddling with her glass. He sighed and looked away from her silhouette.

"It's the easiest place, I mean who would look there?" her voice startled him, but he let the welcoming sound of her voice wash over him, sweeter than any music he had found. It threw him so much that he had to think and try and remember for a second what he had said to start with. She let loose a small chuckle seeing his confusion. "My wand" she explained. He felt his face flush at forgetting. Then the silence continued. It was his turn now.

_**There's still a little bit of your song in my ear  
there's still a little bit of your words I long to hear  
You step a little closer to me  
So close that I cant see what's going on...**_

**_Her_**

Why had he followed her out here? She had been content on her own, just with her thoughts and memories. Now there was a heavy awkwardness in the air and she had felt the need to break the silence. She stole a glance at him. He was just leaning there. Just out of arms reach, which was a good thing. She didn't think she would have been able to resist reaching out and removing the one strand of hair that was out of place. He didn't look as though he was about to speak anytime soon so she tried to think of something to say. She was about to open her mouth when he spoke quietly.

"I didn't think you'd come tonight"

It was a simple statement but she knew that she was required to give him some sort of answer. She didn't really have one.

"After all this time"

She shrugged. "I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"I didn't"

Ouch, that one had come out of no where. But it was perfectly justified. That didn't stop the sudden pain in her chest. It reminded her of the night she had realised what she meant to him.

_Nearly two hours late…why was she still here? She had got up to leave several times but had always convinced herself to stay a few more minutes. Why did it have to be tonight? Her hand came up unsteadily to run it though her hair for the seventh time in the past five minutes. The decision she had finally found the answer to was becoming hard again. She didn't know if she could go through with it anymore. He was probably with __**her, **__who was she kidding getting this involved. He was never going to leave her. Why should she sacrifice everything to be his whore? Especially now that… she blinked as another stab of pain went through her. That was it, her mind changed. She got to her feet and scribbled a quick note. Just as she was about to leave the door opened and she chickened out and scooped the note back up. _

"_Hey love" he came forward and kissed her, and she savoured it. This would probably be the last time. Then she pushed him away. He took a step back, obviously noticing the anger on her face. He extended his hand containing a gift and she couldn't help but look at it and scoff. _

"_You think that every time you do this to me it makes it alright when you buy me a gift?" she blurted out angrily. His apology was pathetic. She felt satisfaction that she had thrown him. She was through letting him walk all over her. "Oh you're sorry? That makes it alright to be two hours late without even telling me." She didn't tell him what she had found out earlier on. There would be no point._

"_It wasn't my fault…Pansy-" ouch. She turned away from him, holding back the tears that had suddenly sprung to her eyes. Any second thoughts she had had were banished. She finally managed to get out angrily. _

"_You were with __**her?**__Well I guess that makes it alright then. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going now" she could predict his reply but it still tugged his heart strings. _

"_Don't go please. I've missed you." Missed her enough to spend all day with Pansy and forget about her. Wow, wasn't she proud. But when she saw the completely open and vulnerable face of his she felt the need to soften the blow, especially as he had brought her a gift. But first she memorised his feature, storing them away. Then she spoke "I have to. Ron will be waiting for me, just like she will be for you. Hell just like I was for you" he had the grace to look ashamed but held out the gift. She couldn't help but smile softly and take the small black box. Then she took a deep breath. _

"_Thank you, but next time, I won't wait, I won't be here when you arrive and I won't be at home for you to look for me." What he didn't know was that she wouldn't be coming back anyway. _

"I'm sorry" the words sounded hollow and meaningless but she had said it anyway. It was the least she could do. She had another drink. She didn't know what else to say to him. So she continued staring out onto the garden. Noticing all the different twinkling's of lights. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him take another drink.

"Why?" he managed to choke out, his calm exterior shattering. And she knew he wasn't querying the apology. She mentally prepared her answer. She couldn't just leave this one unanswered. She owed it to him.

_**And stones, taught me to fly  
Love, it taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannon**_

**_Him_**

He hadn't been able to stop himself from asking the one question that had eaten him up silently since she had gone. He was afraid of the answer, but it was something he needed to know. He watched the surprise then understanding then acceptance on her face before she opened her mouth.

"Ron proposed, promised never to hurt or betray me like that again. He had a new job and wanted to move away, I originally wanted to stay with you…but I had to think about the choice to make, originally I found difficult but it was made easy for me by certain discoveries and realisations." She didn't look at him as he felt his heart break slightly again. She made it sound like she just didn't care. He was proud of the fact that his voice didn't crack as he asked his next question.

"Which were?"

Then she looked at him…stared as if trying to work him out. He could see the words forming in her head, she was wondering what to say, what not to say…how to say it. And at the same time she was analysing him. They stood frozen like that, locked in each others gaze until finally she removed her eyes from his, gazed back out onto the landscape and spoke again.

"You could have told me, I had to find out by myself…" She paused ignoring his confusion. "That did it. You didn't tell me…talk to me about it…anything". This time when her eyes met his they were blazing and her tone angry.

"I had to find out from a newspaper….the god dam DAILY PROFIT" on the last words she flung her glass to the balcony floor.

"What are you-", then it hit him and he felt shame overwhelm him.

"Yeah you got it, Draco. You forgot to tell me you were getting married"

"_Why the hell did you do that? It was supposed to be a secret for another two months!" he was yelling. All he could think of was her, getting to her, explaining... but he had to deal with his fiancé first._

"_I thought you were ready…I got enough money from the article to pay for those diamond glasses we wanted…I know you didn't want to waste my- our budget"_

_She was just making things worse. "Pansy that is NOT the point, we are never going to get a moments peace now. I can't believe you could be so stupid!" He turned to leave, but froze at her next words. "Hopefully your whore read the news. I'm guessing you didn't tell her" he turned back. _

_"She is not my whore and if I was having my way, you wouldn't be my fiancé" and with that he left, leaving the stunned dark haired woman in the room. He didn't care that he would have to deal with both their parents later. He needed to get to he; he needed to explain, before it was too late. He was already late._

"Hermione I-"

"Spare me your excuses; I have given you my reasons. I have fulfilled my promise to Harry, now I can leave." She attempted walk past him but he couldn't stop himself from reaching out and grabbing her.

"Please wait" she froze at the sincerity of his tone but then gently pulled her arm out of his.

"Don't make me do this again Draco. I can't handle it"

_**Stones taught me to fly  
Love; it taught me to cry  
So come on courage**_

_**Teach me to be shy  
'Cause it's not hard to fall**_

**___Her_**

Staring into his eyes she wanted to stay, wanted to talk all night, resolve whatever history they had but she couldn't. They couldn't. She had made a promise to herself and she wasn't about to break it. She still remembered the last goodbye. It had changed her, shaken her, almost destroyed her

_It was over taking her, spreading from her heart to all over her body. It burned in her veins and spilled over her eyes in the form of tears. Only alcohol could dim it so she'd been told by a friend not too long ago. But first she needed to find a place, a place where she wouldn't be recognised, a place where someone wouldn't come up to her and ask her what the matter was. She didn't want to talk about it, just wanted to forget. Forget the lies, the truth and the heartbreak. This hurt much more than what caused her to find him. She felt like a huge part of her had been ripped out and in its place a piece of plastic was forming that would help her to survive but not to be happy. She hadn't even left a note...it just seemed so impersonal. And she couldn't have looked into his wonderful eyes and watched his heart break. Her excuses…her reasons…would mean nothing in the face of causing him more pain then necessary. He would convince her to stay he would draw her back in and she knew that if she didn't get out she never would. Until she was cut off. Cut off by a marriage that was being arranged as they carried on. She was wrong she knew that, but marriage was sacred and she was not going to be an adulterer. Or be someone else's whore for surely that's what she was? At that thought another bought of pain burst through her and the tears came stronger, she had to stop and hold herself against the wall. Before sinking to the ground. Let it stop, please let it stop._

She couldn't go through that again; she didn't think she would be able to get through it. And she had obligations now. But she still neglected to move away. Lost in each others eyes. She didn't want to leave this perfect moment. The dim noises of the party were gone to them; only the sound of each others breathing filled their ears. He took a step closer to her and her heart beat skipped. Another step and he was right in front of her. The whole sense of him enveloped her. She could taste his lips so close to her, feel his slow breath and smell his amazing scent. He started to bring his lips to hers cautiously and she regretted how she felt the ache in her entire body for his touch. He was so close that had she moved and inch their lips would have touched but she stood frozen in the moment, until a soft voice interrupted the trance.

"Daddy?" Hermione pulled away, released from his spell and turned to look at the small, blonde haired, blue eyed four year old boy.

"Damien. Go back to bed. I'll be there in a minute." His voice was soft, gentle and so full of love that when the little boy left Hermione felt her eyes fill with tears and she whispered "Damien" Draco released her arm, she could tell he understood her pain and wanted to console her. But she held her hand up to stop him. Her eyes trained on the spot the little boy had just vacated. "I have a little girl called Sarah" she whispered, then met his gaze. This wasn't about her anymore. No matter how they tried to make it work, so matter how long it lasted he would always go back to his wife and she would always go back to her husband. Because that's the way things were. How they always had been and how they would always remain.

_**And I don't want to scare her  
It's not hard to fall**_

_**And I don't want to lose  
It's not hard to grow  
When you know that you just don't know**_

_**Epilogue**_

Her eyes were still damp as she opened her front door quietly one of her hands holding her shoes and the corner or her dress. All was silent and she just wanted to go to bed. She had yanked her hair out of its bindings in a bid to cover her face when she was leaving the party. She carefully walked up the steps taking note of all the happy pictures lining the walls and slipped through the first door. The soft sound of breathing was the only thing she could hear and she took a few steps forward, towards the sleeping form of her child. She leant down and kissed her softy. Before tiptoeing away and slipping out the door again like a ghost.

The next room she hesitated her fingertips just touching the door. Then taking a slow breath she opened the door, the room's familiar scent filling her. It was the smell of home, and tomorrow she would get up and get on with her life. But first, she carefully reached up and removed the shoe box from the top of the wardrobe and then carefully placed it on the floor where she sat next to it. She could feel her heartbeat fluttering in apprehension but her hand was steady as she removed the lid and withdrew a small black box from inside. Now she froze, staring in the darkness at this seemingly insignificant item. Everything else he had given her she had thrown away but she couldn't bare to part with this. Not without knowing what it was. She lifted her shaking fingers to the silver ribbon and pulled it gently, watching it flutter to the floor. Then she silently removed the lid and uncovered the object from its purple wrapping. The sight made her well up again but she continued, slowly removing the white gold locked with the word _Hermione _engraved on the front, she turned it over in her hand her eyes ghosting over a matching engraving which showed _Draco. _The tears were falling freely now and her hands shaking so badly that it took her about a minute to open the clasp. Inside was written in perfect handwriting.

_My heart will always belong to you._

_Treasure it like I treasure every_

_memory I have of_

_us._

_Forever yours _

_Draco_

The locket fell into the box as her hands came up to stifle the heart wrenching sobs that were now pouring out of her. The night went on until eventually the tears became fewer and finally stopped. Then she got to her feet, only sniffing now and as she packed everything away, trapping all of her old hopes and dreams back into the little box along with everything that was and could have been. That's where they would stay, where they belonged. She wasn't going to continue to dwell on the 'what ifs'. She had made her choice. And there was no place in her current life for regret.

**I listened to the song and it made me want to write...so i did**


End file.
